


the undiscovered plan

by chaotic_carisi



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:26:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29765838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaotic_carisi/pseuds/chaotic_carisi
Summary: "That's where you're wrong." Rafael took a step closer. "I care about you, Sonny, more than you know.""So why didn't you do something about it, instead of waiting for me, why didn't you do something, Rafael?""Don't you think I wanted to?”“I think you’re scared.”
Relationships: Rafael Barba/Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23





	the undiscovered plan

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on "the Undiscovered Country" from SVU but mixed with the Berlermo scene from La Casa De Papel! I hope you all enjoy it!

Sonny opened the door, surprised to see Barba standing outside his apartment. “Hey, shouldn’t you be-”

“In court? I’m on my way, I just wanted to stop by first.” He pushed past Sonny, making his way into the kitchen where he knew there was a half empty bottle of whiskey from a few weeks ago. “How do I look?” 

Sonny followed him into the kitchen, reaching into a cupboard for two glasses when he noticed Rafael grabbing the whiskey he had left when he came over to celebrate winning a particularly tough case. Sonny couldn’t take his eyes off of Rafael. “You look…” Handsome. Perfect. Amazing. A million words came to mind but none of them seemed to fit. “You look great. Prepared. How are you feeling?” Sonny asked, wishing he had said something else. 

“Unprepared.” Rafael sighed, then sat down at the kitchen table, twisting the glass in his hand as he poured himself a drink. Sonny shook his head when he offered him his own drink. “I’m so used to knowing what to expect when I go into court, but today…” He trailed off, not knowing exactly what he was feeling. 

“Do you regret it?” Sonny asked quietly, leaning against the kitchen counter. 

“I mean, in the sense of not wanting to go to jail, of course.” Rafael took a drink, then looked up at Sonny, who felt his breath catch in his throat. His eyes shot from Rafael’s own eyes, down to his tie - which was especially plain, considering this was Rafael Barba - and back up to his eyes again. His voice was cold and his face set when he spoke again, not what Sonny was used to. “But I would do it again. Without hesitation.” 

There was silence between them after Rafael spoke. Sonny stared at a stain on the floor that he had meant to clean, Rafael’s cold words echoing through his thoughts. This was not the man he knew, the man he cared about. 

The man he loved. 

“Carisi.” 

Sonny looked up, and felt relieved when Rafael smiled up at him.

“Are you coming to the trial?” He asked, hopeful. 

“Of course, “ Sonny nodded, “I’ve been to all your court cases, I don’t plan on stopping now.” 

Rafael stood up, swallowing the last of his drink. “Yeah, I noticed that. I noticed a lot of things, Sonny.”

Sonny began to speak up, before he realised Rafael had called him Sonny. He didn’t have a chance to say anything before Rafael continued. 

“You think I haven’t noticed the way you look at me? The way your eyes always seem to find me in a crowd? I’m not the only one that noticed it, Sonny.” He said, slowly taking a step towards Sonny, who found himself speechless for once. “I just wish you had done something about it instead of watching from a distance.”

"Rafael, I…" Sonny wasn't sure what to say. He had never imagined Rafael would feel the same way, although he had thought about asking him to dinner on more than one occasion. "I didn't think you would feel the same way." he muttered, avoiding eye contact. 

"You mean, you were scared of being turned down?" Sonny looked up as Rafael said this, already shaking his head. 

"I was scared of putting myself out there, yeah." Sonny felt a sudden boost of confidence. "But, I think you're scared too. I think you care more about your fancy suits and your job than you ever would about another person." 

"That's where you're wrong." Rafael took a step closer. "I care about you, Sonny, more than you know." 

"So why didn't you do something about it, instead of waiting for me, why didn't you do something, Rafael?" 

"Don't you think I wanted to?”

“I think you’re scared.”

There was silence between them, a silence that only lasted a few seconds, yet felt like hours. During those few seconds, they never broke eye contact, each thinking of a million different things they wanted to say to each other. 

Sonny reached up, straightening Rafael’s tie before asking, “What are you scared of, Rafael?” 

Rafael held his breath as he felt Sonny’s knuckles brush against his chest. “I’m scared of falling too deep. I’m scared of losing you, or myself. I’m terrified, Sonny.” His voice was barely a whisper, only loud enough for Sonny to hear, but it echoed around the room as if he had yelled. 

“So fall with me, Rafael.” Sonny leaned forward, kissing Rafael and moving his hand to his waist, while running his free hand through his hair, letting it rest on the back of his neck. He felt Rafael’s hand against his own chest as he kissed back, and lost himself in the moment he had thought about for years. Everything felt right, and Sonny felt complete for the first time in, well, forever. 

He pulled back, putting a hand on Rafael’s shoulder to stop himself from kissing him again. “I’m sorry, I-”

“Don’t apologize.” Rafael said, before kissing him again, with enough force to send him staggering backwards until he felt his back press against the fridge. Sonny smiled as Rafael kissed him, feeling nothing but pure ecstasy. 

Suddenly, Rafael pulled back, taking a few steps away from Sonny. “We can’t do this.” He said, straightening his tie again and glancing towards the front door. “I’m sorry.” Rafael walked out of the kitchen, stopping at the front door for a moment before reaching for the 

“Wait,” Sonny followed him, thoughts racing, wondering what he had done wrong. “Don’t go. Please.”

Rafael sighed, before turning around. “I have to.” He didn’t elaborate. 

Instead, he kissed Sonny once more, softer this time. He wanted to remember. 

Sonny sighed as he stepped away again and leaned against the wall. 

“Don’t come to court.” Rafael said. He didn’t want to see Sonny’s face in the gallery, he didn’t want to think about him when he should be thinking about other things. 

Sonny wanted to argue, but he knew he wouldn’t win. “But, I’ll see you after, right? You’ll come here after the trial?” 

“No.” 

“No?” 

“Sonny, I can’t… We can’t do this.” Rafael shook his head as he spoke. “I would give anything to stay here, to stay with you, but I can’t.”

“Why not?” Sonny could feel the lump forming in his throat as he tried to figure out what was happening. “Wait… Can’t stay? You’re leaving New York?” Rafael nodded. “Where are you going?” 

Rafael shrugged. “Somewhere else. Somewhere without you.”

Sonny felt the first tear begin to fall. He couldn’t think of anything to say, anything that could make any difference.

“It’s for the best, trust me. We’ll see each other again, I know we will.” He opened the front door. “I love you, Sonny. But this is goodbye for now. “

Rafael left, shutting the door behind him, leaving Sonny alone in the silent apartment. 

Sonny slid down to the floor, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t think, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stop crying. For a moment, everything had been perfect, everything was going to be alright, he had Rafael. 

He had Rafael. 

Now he had nothing.


End file.
